One Step Closer
by Interstella
Summary: Post-Reichenbach. Every day, every battle, every one of Moriarty's men, it was all bringing me one step closer to coming home. To coming home to you. Just one more step.


A/N: One Step Closer - a bittersweet songfic based off "A Thousand Words -Part 2" By Christina Perry.

* * *

One Step Closer

_The day we met, frozen I held my breath, right from the start, I knew that I'd found a home for my heart-_

The song is the bane of my existence. Every word, every _syllable_ sings your name directly into my heart, shattering it into a thousand pieces and scattering it to where my soul could never hope to find it.

_Heart beats fast, colours and promises, how to be brave, how love when I'm afraid to fall._

The lyrics are so apt, describing my life, my emotions with such finality that I'm forced to do nothing but think of you. There are things I wanted to say to you, when I saw you at the graveyard that day. I don't know why I wanted to shout, perhaps it was because I wanted to make sure you heard them. Maybe I just wanted to tell you I was alive.

But then I remembered. I remembered why I did it. Why you above all others couldn't know that I was alive. You were there. Right there, and you were hurting. Because of me.

Because, in one way or another, you loved me.

I watched as you stood up tall, straightened your shoulders and nodded, turning to leave like you'd just been dismissed by a superior officer.

Yes. I noticed that.

_But watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away some how. _

Seeing you there, seeing you walk away like that, it was then that I knew. You are Captain John Hamish Watson. You survived war. You survived Moriarty. You'll survive me. You're stronger than most give you credit for. And I know, you'll be strong through this too.

_One step closer._

Every battle, every day, every member of Moriarty's web that I destroy. It's one step closer to coming home. One step closer to London. One step closer to you.

And then...it's done. I've finished.

And all I could think about was you. Three years felt like a thousand and I was finally free to come home.

_I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more._

But when I got home you weren't in Baker Street. You were gone, moved on from the life we shared. I moved back in. I knew where you were, I'm Sherlock Holmes, how could I not. But when I went to see you... I saw her instead and I felt like my world had ended all over again.

I'm not a selfless man. When I saw you with Mary, I must admit that the heart I was slowly reconstructing broke anew. You had moved on. Forgotten about me. You didn't need me anymore, and after what I'd done to you... I doubt you'd have wanted me either.

_Time stands still, beauty you know she is. I will be brave. _

I stood there for a long time, simply staring into your house. It was Christmas, you were happy, surrounded by people, only a few of which I recognized. Harry was there, sneaking the rum when she thought that nobody was looking. Mrs. Hudson had joined you, Molly, but then there were more. The woman I now know was Mary, her family.

A young child, no more than two ran up to you and I couldn't breathe. Had you had children? Had you moved on so completely while I had been doing nothing but pining for you?

If Harry hadn't have noticed me, I very much doubt I would have come to the door. I very much doubt that I would have stayed in London -what was left for me here?

But she did. And I dropped the gift I had bought, buried it in the snow, and came inside.

You saw me. You saw me and you didn't believe your eyes. Mycroft had told you, of course. I didn't want it to be such a shock, after all. But the look on your face...

If I hadn't already fallen for you, your face right then would have been the final pin. You looked at me with such relief, such adoration and joy... It was then that I knew. If friendship was all that I could have, it would be guarded carefully, held in the cusp of my own healing heart.

_I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me. Every breath, every hour has come to this. _

_One step closer. _

Time moved on. You visited. You and your wife. I was gratified to learn that the children were not yours, but rather Mary's sisters. Still, I couldn't expect that to last forever. You were clearly in love with her, the looks you once sent to me were now reserved for her and I feared I had lost my chance.

It had taken me too long to realize that I loved you.

Those days, those painful weeks and months of you living with her, only visiting me when I needed you, that year that felt like a thousand... My heart was never able to fully heal.

_I have died every day waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more. _

The only thing keeping me through those days were the knowledge that you were still in my life. That you were alive, that you were happy... Even if it was with someone other than me...

...It was a dream I kept a hold of. Even now, as I sit here, staring at a cold slab of stone that represents so much more than dark marble, I can think of nothing but you and those years I spent away, those final years of your life. The ones I couldn't share. And I wish I could have said so many things to you.

I love you.

I'll be back.

I'll come home to you.

Please, put your gun away.

Point it somewhere else.

Don't do this.

I wish I was there to stop you. I wish Mary had been real, had been there for you when I couldn't be. I wish I had come home even moments earlier...

But I'd thought I'd have time. I thought you'd survive. I thought you'd be there when I came home...

But you will be. Because while I've been moving one step closer, you've simply moved one step away. All I need to do is take that one, final step closer.

I'll see you soon.

_All along I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me I have loved you for a thousand years. _

_I'll love you for a thousand more. _

* * *

__A/N: Please tell me what you thought... Reviews are my sustenance...


End file.
